It was just one year ago today that we did our first IVF transfer. It was the end of a difficult week as we had learned our embryos were all poor quality. With the support and prayers of all of our family and friends though we still managed to have hope that God would do a miracle. A little over a week later we got our first negative pregnancy test. I can’t even begin to describe to you the heartache and grief that I felt. The next days were some of the darkest days of my life. I truly felt hopeless at moments and wondered how I would ever have the strength to continue to wait for you and endure the difficult days ahead. Thankfully I don’t have to count on my strength though and God did restore to me my hope and eventually he also gave me the strength to feel I could try again. I had no idea what God had in store for us in the coming months. Now I can rejoice in God’s plan because His plan was always you! He always knew you would be my baby even if it meant I had to endure years of waiting, crying, praying, watching many others have babies so easily and going through multiple unsuccessful procedures. The path I was on was always to you. While in those moments I wished I could have control and do things my way now I am so grateful He didn’t allow that because then it wouldn’t have been you, my miracle baby, my Ava Kate. I know eventually you may grow tired of me telling you that you are a miracle and such a special gift from God but I’ll never stop saying it. Getting to feel you growing inside of me has been one of the greatest joys I’ve ever known. People often stop and ask me if you are moving because when they walk by my office at work they always see my hand on my belly. Most of the times you aren’t but I just don’t want to miss anything though so most of the day my hand is there. I just want to experience every movement and flutter. It is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt. Sometimes it still feels surreal that in just a matter of weeks you will be here and my life will forever be changed. My prayer for you is that you will be healthy and happy and know how deeply you are loved and most of all that you will know your heavenly father and experience his love and grace as I have. He has big plans for you Ava Kate and I look forwarding to watching them unfold. The verse I clung to over the past few years as I waited for you has always been Jer. 29:11- “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future”-and I hope this verse will become as special to you as it has been to me.
I love you to the stars and back!
Mommy
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