First Night of Shots Down

I have continued to take it pretty easy this past week and I have to say I'm really enjoying this new pace of life. I tend to be a person that has something scheduled and planned for almost every minute of every day so this change of pace has really nice. Thursday I had one of the best massages I've ever had and went home and went to bed a little early. Friday I had taken the afternoon off work so I went to a Body Flow class at the gym which was incredibly relaxing and a good workout at the same time. Then I picked up a smoothie and headed to a friends pool where I laid on a raft in the pool for a couple of hours listening to beautiful music on my ipod. Justin went with me and studied for his pricipal's exam. I told him floating in the water and soaking up some sun while listening to great music felt as close to heaven to me as I can get here on earth. After that I went with my friend Jill for a pedicure which my feet were in desperate need of. After that Justin and I babysat while Jill and her hubby went to a birthday party. I got to rock baby Caroline to sleep. I sat and rocked her for quite a while and sang her all the lullabies my mom used to sing me plus a few other songs I added to the list. She was so sweet she just sat there staring up at me and cooing every now and then. Those are the moments I long for with my own baby. Yesterday I spent the day with my sister and nephew while Justin took his principal's exam- we went shopping and we played outside and we went to a neighborhood block party. It has been a great week!

We also got the first night of shots over with last night. It was actually a pretty comedic night. My nephew Keller was at the house so I asked him if he could hold my hand while Justin gave me some shots in my tummy. He immediately said do you have a baby in your belly. I told him no but that is what the shots were helping us try to do. He laid in the bed with me while Justin prepared the shots and I had the heating pad on my tummy. He told me all about the shots the doctor had given him. When Justin came in the room he looked at me with a very nervous smile and grabbed my hand. As Justin gave me the first shot his eyes got very big and were glued on what Justin was doing. I told him not to look at the shots but to look at me and tell me a story. He got all the way through "Once upon a time" when Justin started the third and final shot which is sort of a noisy shot that makes a lot of clicking noises when you push it in and he immediately stopped talking and looked over at my belly with the widest eyes. I couldn't help it and I started laughing so the shot came out and Justin had to put it back in. Needless to say I have a pretty bruise from that today. As soon as Justin was done with the shots Keller said you got a baby in your belly now? It was so cute! He told me he hoped it was a boy. We were telling him that one day when he has a cousin if it is a girl her name would be Ava Kate. A little while later I asked him if he remembered what the girls name would be and he said Ava Kata. Justin and I both laughed and said well you can call her that if you want to. I have to say having him there to provide some comic relief really helped me relax and the first night of shots was a breeze. We head to Lubbock Tuesday for a sonogram and bloodwork to see how things are progressing.

While I am much more relaxed this go round I find that I am also more doubtful. I think part of it is me trying to guard myself because I don't want to feel the pain I felt last time when we were not pregnant. I keep reminding myself that my God is a God for whom nothing is impossible. I know that God gave me this deep longing for a child because he longs to give me a child in His time and His way. So please pray for hope not in the doctors, not in the shots or the procedures but in my God who loves me more than I'll ever be able to comprehend. And please pray for patience something I have had to learn a lot about the last four years and that does not come naturally to me at all.