Dare to Be Disciplined

My friends and I have talked a lot lately about how blogs can just become this place where we paint a pretty picture and never disclose the reality of life. I find myself looking at some peoples blogs and actually feeling bad about myself or my life because I am not a creative enough mother, I’m not taking exotic vacations, I don’t blog enough, etc. You get the idea, I’m playing that comparison game where I end up feeling dissatisfied and ungrateful when I really am so abundantly and undeservedly blessed in all aspects of my life. This has all gotten me to thinking about how this blog first began as a place to spill my heart and share my experience in my journey to become a mother. It was a very real place where I shared the good, bad, funny, awkward and ugly events and feelings that were going on in my life. I loved having the outlet to share and receive encouragement. I especially loved knowing that God was able to use my story to help others in the same struggle. I feel in the last several months my blog has become nothing more than a scrapbook which I love because I do print my blog each year and it becomes my version of a scrapbook but I feel like my blog is no longer a place that others can find encouragement. Something I would like more of in my life is discipline…discipline in my eating, discipline in my exercising, discipline in my quiet time, discipline in my parenting and discipline in my spending. So that is why I’ve decided for the next month at least I am going to challenge myself to be transparent in my pursuit of discipline and to blog daily or at least weekly about it. This is going to be a challenge for me because as you’ve probably noticed my blogging has become much less consistent since I’ve become a mommy but I’m going to give it my best shot even while we are vacationing in Destin next month. I’m not sure what is going to be harder- trying to remain disciplined or trying to blog each day! My intent is not to become rigid or overly “religious” just to become more consistent in these areas of my life.

I often find I struggle with walking the fine line between discipline and obsession particularly when it comes to exercise. I have recently gained a workout partner, my friend Jill joined Hendrick so that has made getting to the gym at 5:30am every morning a lot easier. There is something about knowing someone is going to either be sitting outside there house waiting on you to pick them up or sitting in your driveway waiting on you that makes getting out of the bed a lot easier. I really do love getting up and working out in the mornings, it just seems like it starts my days off the right way. I love the energy it gives me, the feeling of accomplishment, the relief when I get off work and know I already have that out of the way and can just go home and spend time with my loves.

I nursed Ava for 15 months and in those 15 months I developed some pretty bad habits…chocolate donuts, cokes, milk and cookies at bed time and pretty much eating whatever I wanted all while getting thinner than I had been since high school. All that changed very quickly though when I stopped nursing except for the bad eating habits. I put on at least 10 pounds in a matter of a couple of weeks. While I needed to put some weight back on I really didn’t want to gain back all of my weight. That is where a discipline in my eating comes in, I really need to give up some things especially those things that might taste so yummy but have nothing redeeming or nutritious in them and generally leave me feeling bloated and lethargic after the sugar high wears off. Also as with many areas of life having a baby has made me realize the way I eat doesn’t just impact myself but also my children. How can I teach them good eating habits if I myself am stuffing my face with chips, soda and ice cream? Not only that but I want to be around for a long time to see my baby graduate, get married and have her own children and I’m not sure chocolate donuts are contributing to the longevity of my life.

We have recently had to begin disciplining our sweet baby girl who has decided she is going to try and run the show. It amazes me how manipulative and rebellious a 16 month old can be. She is already testing us to see how much she can get away with and you know she is completely aware of what she is doing by the gleam she gets in her eye as she does it. It really reminds me that we are all born with a sinful nature, even our sweet little blue eyed beauty! I’ve always heard it is a lot harder to parent than it is to just let your little one be in control but now I’m learning it first hand. I will say I have been pretty determined about being consistent with discipline because I’ve seen what inconsistency leads to in other children. Justin and I recently started watching some videos by Dr. Dobson on discipline and he talked about how children want to know we are the authority but they want us to earn that right and consistency in disciplining them is the key to earning it.

Why is it making time to spend with my savior is so difficult for me? Why isn’t that my top priority each day? Is it because I know He is always there and I take that for granted at times? Is it because I know I’ll find conviction and sometimes be asked to make changes and sacrifices I might not want to? It’s probably a little of all of the above. When I finally do make that time though it always amazes how much more peaceful my life is, not always easier or more fun, but He always brings peace. This summer I started a bible study with some girls from Life Group and Bunco group. We are studying Ruth and while I’ve heard and read the story of Ruth before never quite like this. I never realized what an exciting and adventurous love story Ruth was and it’s a story that is completely symbolic of the love story of our Savior with us. I find each day I can’t wait to read the next part of the story and see what God has to teach me through Ruth.

So those of you that know me fairly well know how much I love fashion and therefore shopping…clothes, shoes, jewelry and now that I have a little girl that is just one more person I enjoy getting dolled up! I might be a finance manager/accountant by trade but trust me at home I don’t make the soundest financial decisions. Some people eat when they are down or bored, some sleep and I shop! All of this shopping and lack of financial planning came to heads last year before Ava was born. The stress of finances was taking a toll on my marriage and my emotions. We finally put ourselves on a budget. I came up with a spreadsheet and a plan to be debt free and for the most part we have stuck with it although I still have some slips back to my old ways. I used to ignore our finances and let that burden fall completely on Justin and that was not fair or wise because then I was spending money with no knowledge of what it was doing to our finances while my poor husband was dealing with the stress of my impulsive decisions. The decision for me to take over the budget and bills was one of the best decisions we ever made for our marriage. What used to cause weekly and sometimes daily fights rarely rears its ugly head anymore. Now we have a plan that we are both committed to.

My hope is that as I disclose the struggles and progress of my pursuit of discipline that you will find transparency and encouragement here.